First
by ailleurs
Summary: It starts out innocently enough. After all, it's just coffee, and Merlin knows she needs some right now. -dmhg


**First**

by _refractive_

(mind the numbers.)

* * *

**i.**

It starts out innocently enough.

"Wanna grab some coffee?" Ron smiles at her, that same dimpled smile that she fell in love with, and she finds it hard to say no, especially when it sounds harmless enough. It's just coffee.

"Alright," she says, waving her wand to arrange the rest of the papers on her desk in a neat pile. She grabs her coat and a stab of guilt makes her hesitate, but she makes that go away by justifying it to herself. It's just coffee, and Merlin knows she needs some right now. She nods to herself and locks the door behind her.

**iii.**

She checks herself in the mirror – hair, eyes, teeth- before sliding it inside her drawer. She taps the feather quill impatiently before she takes the small handheld mirror out again, narrowing her eyes and pinching her cheeks a little to give it some colour. She fixes the collar of her shirt and then abruptly stops.

It's just coffee.

She shoves the mirror back and frowns. When was the last time she bothered with her appearance? Suddenly, an image of Draco forcing out words to ask her out sprang to mind. He had been both parts embarrassed and nervous, and she found it endearing.

"Hey, Hermione, you ready?" Ron asks. The stab of guilt makes its way across her stomach and she remembers Draco's smile at her that morning before she left for work. She opens her mouth to decline the invitation.

"Hold on," she says instead, grabbing her coat.

It's just coffee.

**iv.**

It's _not _just coffee.

She missed him and his gestures and the way he'd laugh before choking out a punch line of a joke. She missed his laugh, and his hugs, and sometimes, when she lays awake at night when Draco's gone in an Auror mission, she lets herself miss his kisses.

It's wrong, so wrong, she thinks as she watches him gulp his coffee eagerly. Both of them already have someone else, and to keep doing this is just selfish, no matter how innocent she tries to make it out to be.

**v.**

He kisses her.

They were sitting by a muggle café and she was laughing at one of his stories when suddenly, his mouth is on hers and she doesn't pull away. She closes her eyes and lets herself be kissed.

Despicable, her mind whispers. You're absolutely despicable.

His hand curls over hers and she stops thinking.

**vi.**

She wakes up to the smell of Draco's cooking.

She wraps the blanket around her and stares at the ceiling. She wonders what's wrong with her, why she can't just be happy. Why does she always have to complicate things? She had Draco, didn't she? She finally stands up, refusing to think more, and walks to the kitchen.

The sight of him busying himself in the kitchen when she knew how much he hated cooking makes her falter.

She can still stop this…this thing with Ron.

But she doesn't think she can.

**vii.**

This time she kisses _him_.

She's been steeling herself for goodbye for months. She allows herself this one last act of selfishness and pulls him towards her, her lips slanting over his. She pulls away and looks him in the eyes.

"I can't do this anymore, Ron," she whispers.

"I can make you happy, Hermione," he says intently. "Why did you let him take you away from me?" She doesn't say anything and he shakes her hold on him, stands up and walks away.

She stays to finish her coffee and stares at her empty mug long afterwards.

**viii.**

"I saw you."

She stops when she hears his voice. Her stomach sinks and her eyes shut.

"I saw you with him," Draco continues, his fists clenched. Silence stretches out, the air thick and heavy. "How long?" She finds it hard to breathe and she looks down at the floor, trying to calm her racing heart. "Hermione, tell me – how long?" She swallows the lump in her throat and meets his eyes.

"Four months." The glass on the picture frame above him cracks and she feels her gaze grow blurry. "But I swear, Draco, I swear-"

"Swear what?" he asks, staring at her with cold eyes. She doesn't reply. "I was never good enough for you, was I?" She shakes her head and reaches out for him, but he backs away, scoffing. "All these years, trying to show everyone that I deserve you, trying to better myself-" He laughs and it's like there's a knife twisting her gut, "- and you go back crawling to Weasley anyway."

"No, Draco, you don't understand-" she says, panic setting in her stomach. "What you saw-"

"Oh, were you not kissing, then?" he asks mockingly. He stares at her and she finds her walls are crumbling. Before she realises it, tears run down her face and she presses her fists in her eyes, feeling trapped, her whole world crumbling down.

"I'm sorry, Draco, I'm so sorry," she finally says through sobs. Why must she always ruin things? She thinks back on all the things he's done for her- cutting off ties with his own family, losing his friends –

She felt his arms wrapping themselves around her and she cries on his shirt. He tilts her chin and she stares up at his concerned eyes and realises that all of his anger's gone.

"It's okay," he says softly, his voice thick. She's never felt more ashamed, and she wishes that he'd scream more, because this...this is worse. "We'll start again, alright? We'll pretend this never happened." Her eyes widened at his words. She feels his tears on her own cheeks and she wraps her arms around him, hands shaking. "Don't make me feel this way again, Hermione." She squeezes her eyes shut.

"I won't, I promise."

**ii.**

He kisses her as soon as she closes the door behind her.

She tastes like coffee.

Still, he deepens the kiss and she responds eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck to bring him closer. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Pansy grab the last of her things through the slightly open door of their room.

"See you later," she mouths, blowing him a kiss. Grabbing her wand, she finally apparated with a small _pop_. A few heartbeats later, he pulls away and gives Hermione a smile.

"Welcome home."

.

_**Prompt 23.**__I slapped her for cheating on me. She cried. I don't have the courage to tell her I cheated first._

For the **Secrets competition **on the HPFC forum

_._

**AN. **I hope this wasn't confusing! (I should really stop writing drabbles but…I like the idea of a broken timeline). Thanks for reading!


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